I was Gettin some Head, Gettin Getiin some Head Massaged

Awww Yeah Baby... Sorry force of Habit. It's actually the other head not that one... Witcha Nasty Behind. Temple/Crown massages are actually the most natural and effective way to relieve headaches. I know me personally (and have for a while now), and I REFUSE to take over the counter meds unless I'm about to dang near die... I'm the dude who looks at all the ingredients side and unproven long term effects and would rather deal with the discomfort now than permanent damage in the future.

Quick Anatomy Fact: Headaches are caused by a variety of things but essentially do the same thing to the body, causes blood to thicken and clot which creates additional pressure. This is why your headache seems to "Pound" this is simply you feeling your pulse in your brain against pain receptors (I'm a Science/Tech Geek with a lot of Doctor/Nurse friends). What Headache Meds do is Chemically Thin the blood in your body to relieve pressure which is a great immediate fix, but coupled with any number of additional social, environmental, and/or genetic variables, this can actually be fatal. No thanks.

So OSIM created a total immersion therapeutic massager to increase blood flow from every direction. I put this joint on and it was actually adjustable in every way shape and form to fit my big ol dome so I know it'll fit yours, I'm not gonna lie though it kinda hurt. Now I'm not sure if its because I didn't actually have a headache or if my head is just colossal. I mean deep tissue massages hurt their behind off, but when you have back spasms or muscle tension they feel incredible... so maybe the same rules apply here. This specific massager also has a headphone jack to listen to 3 preset relaxation music types while gettin to dome squozed. So for the cost of a one day session from a professional masseuse (about $200), get you one of these joints and enjoy years of pressure relieving greatness. I mean look at dude in the picture… doesn't he look euphoric?

 

 

i-Need Massaging Eye Mask

This $59.95 eye Massager was also available for those Swiper No Swipin Raccoon eyed people. The same basic principal applies except they are not as adjustable with only a velcro strap on the back. Wearing these joints made me feel like I was getting hit in the face by all 3 stooges wearing Down filled Boxing gloves in slow motion. But again, my dome is like super large. Try it for yourself at Brookstone and let me know what you think.

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Wish it was Cooler Than The Other Side of the Pillow?

Not me, because for less than 90 bucks both sides of my pillow are cool. I'm Just Ballin like that.

Believe it or not this NASA developed fabric regulates temperature by absorbing and redistributing heat so that there is never an excess. This is the same type of Fabric used for Astronauts to help adapt to extreme temperatures flying to Mars or the sun or wherever the hell they vacation nowadays. Wait, we spent trillions in tax dollars and all I got was a cooler pillow? I'm actually kinda mad now. Eff this pillow, I want an ET or some sneakers that don't scuff or something useful. Yo NASA, What's Really Good?

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The Itsy Bitsy Spiders Worse Enemy

 

Ladies, what do you do when you have a creepy crawly crouched on the wall in your bedroom looking at you with Menacing compound eyes? Probably Run out in a fit and call someone to handle it or douse it in the 1st aerosol spray you can find no matter how toxic it may also be to you. Either way, for $59.95 you can now have a Semi Humane and clean way to kill and dispose of not only the crawlers of the Insect world, but the flyers too... I would like to introduce you to the future… Meet the Bug Vacuum

This 3lb, 22,400 RPM Motored, Electric Zapping Death Grid of Vacuumed Greatness will keep you at least 2ft from your Multi-Legged Nemesis and immediately suck then kill any and all intruders into your home then trap the dead bodies in an Opaque Handle that removes easily to dispose into the trash. Skip out on that nice pair of shoes and get you a rechargeable death machine so you don't have to call that guy that thinks you like him over to handle a problem that you're having in your bedroom. Because he's gonna think its a Sexual Euphemism... I know I would.

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Peaceful Wake up Alarm Clock

Ummm, Huh? This intrigued the hell outta me for the sheer Oxymoronic nature. A Peaceful Alarm Clock? Lets read how this works...

This Clock Gradually increases Ambient Light, Stimulating Aromas and Peaceful Sounds 30min before the pre set time and buzzes gently at the end of the cycle.

Come to think of it... that's pretty dope. Everyone knows smells and lighting will def wake you up. If you think otherwise, try sleeping at Big Mamas house when she get to Cooking and Baking and see you don't pop up like a teenage boys basketball shorts when he sees his Spanish teachers Cleavage bent over in front of him. But… since these joints are about $70 right now, I'll skip on it until they lower the price or include Pancakes and/or Clean Aroused Disease-Free Vagina scents. Its 2010 Hammacher Schlemmer, get wit the program.

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